Going through a breakup can be one of the hardest experiences in your life.
The relationship which has given so much meaning to your life has just ended.
It feels like your entire world is collapsing and you’ve lost the will to live.
But it doesn’t need to be as painful as this.
When we are involved in an intimate relationship with somebody, we rely on that person to love ourselves. When they love you, you are assured that you can be loved.
And when that relationship has ended, we easily lose confidence and we question the love we have for ourselves.
The Fastest Way To Get Over A Breakup Is To Love Yourself Again.
Not only does loving yourself help you to get over a breakup, it’s how you get ready to have a new healthy and loving relationship in the future.
This 3 step guide will help you to get over your breakup through the practice of learning to love yourself again. You will get right back on your feet, and feel confident and happy again.
# Step 1. Adopt This Attitude
Expect That It Will Take Some Time For You To Get Over Your Breakup.
You go through lots of changes in your life after a breakup. The daily habits you built up in your last relationship no longer makes sense. Your brain and body have to change to deal with it.
Your mind and body need time to process all the changes happening in your life after a breakup. This is not a time to push yourself too hard. Take it slow.
Be Absolutely Kind To Yourself.
Don’t judge your feelings and thoughts while going through a breakup. Everything you are going through after a breakup is natural. Your mind and body need it to rebuild your life. It’s not just you, but most people go through an upsetting time right after a breakup, having intense emotions like grief, anger and depression.
With time, you will gradually accept a breakup and get ready to forgive the past and move on. Following our next step will help you to start that process right now.
# Step 2. Lay The Groundwork
Take A No Contact Period From Your Ex.
Take some time off from your ex to give yourself time to process the new changes that life brings after a breakup. Having your ex triggering old memories and feelings could make it harder for you to accept your breakup. If you need, explain to your ex that you need some time on your own to deal with things.
It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to completely cut your ex out of your life.
It’s up to you what kind of relationship you want to have with your ex after a breakup.
It’s ok to still love your ex and maintain the friendship you’ve built while you were together.
Why you want to take time off from your ex is because you need some alone time to look after yourself, not because you want to trick them or show that you have more power over them. Playing a power game is not the best way to respect and love yourself.
Remember everything you do after a breakup is to love yourself.
Your ex might need some time to process the changes as well. Taking proper time away from each other to contemplate and process the changes in your relationship is a way to respect both yourself and your ex.
Take Good Care of Yourself. Eat Well, Sleep Well And Live Well.
When you feel bummed about a recent breakup, it’s easy to neglect yourself.
Having a healthy routine is crucial for you to feel better about yourself and get back on your feet as soon as possible.
Even 15 minutes of a cardio exercise like running will help you to feel refreshed by pumping your heart and circulating your blood. It’s not only good for your physical body, but improved blood flow to your brain helps you to get a clear mind helping you to cope with new changes you are going through.
- Go outside to get enough sunshine.
You might feel like staying in your bed and crying all day. But go outside to take some fresh air and sunlight. Exposure to sunlight helps your brain to release Serotonin, which lifts your mood up and helps you to feel more positive*.
- Eat well. Avoid sweets and alcohol.
When you are feeling heartache, you may completely lose your appetite or crave sugary foods like ice cream or alcoholic drinks to numb the pain.
Giving a little bit of treat to yourself is ok. But don’t overindulge in sweets and alcohol. They will make you feel worse afterwards.
“Drinking is taking happiness from tomorrow.”
You need to have enough physical strength to emotionally feel ok. Don’t skip a meal and stick to a healthy and balanced diet.
- Sleep well.
What’s the worst mistake you can think of when moving on from your ex?
Calling your ex on impulse in the middle of the night, or bombarding them with angry text messages… It usually happens when you stay up all night, thinking about your ex and why your relationship ended.
You need to sleep… Your mind is going through an intense period of your life. Support it and give your mind enough rest at night.
Doing some exercise, taking enough sunlight and having a healthy diet all help you to sleep well at night. Using aroma oils, herbal tea or natural sleep aids can also help.
# Step 3. Build A New Habit
Your breakup gives you a perfect opportunity to solely focus and work on yourself.
It’s hard to see when you are struggling with intense emotions and pain after a breakup. But getting over a breakup actually gives you time to love and work on yourself.
There must be some aspect that you wanted to work on that you didn’t have time to before. Now is the time to finally work on it without any distraction. You’ve already started to build healthier habits for yourself through exercise, diet and sleep. So you are on track.
Give Yourself Time To Reflect.
- Take a break from work and go on a short trip.
Taking a break from your daily routine and changing your environment to give your brain space will help you to detach from old habits and be more receptive to new changes in life.
Go on a short trip to feed your mind with new memories and feelings.
- Write a journal, a letter, a poem or anything which helps you to process new changes.
Writing is such a powerful way to reflect and process your feelings and thoughts. It helps you to be more clear about how you feel and think and look at life more objectively.
Think about why you broke up, what you and your ex did wrong, what you want to apologize for but never got the chance, what you are really grateful for, and how you’ve helped each other to grow.
Write it all down.
Don’t forget to write down what you’ve gained from your relationship as well.
You’ve gained the experience of being in love. Being in an intimate and loving relationship with somebody is a powerful way to see how amazing life can be. You’ve gained loving and sweet memories. You’ve learnt to deal with somebody’s idiosyncrasies and to become a better person.
Write it all down.
What’s important to remember is everybody who comes into your life serves a purpose of helping you to learn something. You’ve gained from the lessons they taught you.
- Make it a habit to list up to 10 things you are grateful for everyday.
Writing a gratitude journal everyday helps you to have a more balanced perspective about your life. A breakup is definitely a significant life event you are going through at the moment. But there are other things in your life, especially things you forget to be grateful for by focusing too much on your loss and pain.
Remember what you’ve gained from the relationship? Be grateful for the experiences you’ve had.
Whatever difficulties and hurtful feelings you felt in your last relationship, you can be still grateful for what you’ve gained from that experience. You can feel grateful that you were able to love somebody and be loved. You can feel grateful for the good time and memories which have enriched your life. You can feel grateful that your ex is giving you an opportunity to look at your relationship, yourself and your life from a different perspective.
- Meditation is a great way to calm yourself down in a difficult time.
Sitting still with your eyes closed just for 10 minutes everyday will improve the quality of your daily life by freeing you from ceaseless thoughts and any intense emotions that you are going through.
Any new reflective habits that you adopt during this time will help you significantly not just to get over a breakup, but to deal with other challenges you face in your overall life to come.
Work On Your Physical Appearance.
Try something new. Change your hair and perhaps buy new clothes. List up all the things you want to do to improve your physical appearance.
Looking after yourself will help you to feel confident about who you are.
Have Enough Physical And Sexual Stimulus In Your Life.
- Focus on what you want and what makes you feel good.
Go to places where you’ve wanted to visit but never managed to, and do things you’ve wanted to do but couldn’t.
You might not feel like doing anything. But taking a small action to do something that makes you feel good can change your mood. Your brain picks up a signal that you are ready to feel good about yourself and move on. And then it becomes easier to do it again.
- Find a new sexual partner.
Do you have somebody who you feel comfortable sharing intimacy with? Who can agree to enjoy being close to you?
Jumping into another romantic relationship right after your breakup can cause trouble in the long-term. But not having your sexual needs met during the time of a breakup could leave you even more frustrated. Human beings need touch to stay happy.
You don’t need to be involved in a serious relationship right away. If you are clear that what you want is to share some affection and intimacy with somebody, and your partner willingly agrees on it, having a new sexual partner could be a good thing to make your transition from your breakup easier and more smooth.
Reconnect With Your Social Life.
- Catch up with your friends and family you haven’t spent as much time with.
There will be times when you get emotional while getting over a breakup. Don’t contact your ex on impulse. Instead, ask your close friends and family for support.
Spending time with others you love makes you realize you are still loved by people, whether you are in a relationship or not.
- Do something to help other people.
Volunteer to help and give to other people. This can help to divert your focus from your pain to that of others. You will see your situation more objectively and gain confidence by feeling more valued.
What you do to help others doesn’t have to have a life-changing impact. Saying nice things to people is still a great way to help them.
Take a walk in your neighborhood until you find somebody who you can talk to. You will realize that people really appreciate having small talk.
Going through a breakup is never easy. But it’s also a great time for you to learn to love yourself no matter what happens in your life.
Be kind and patient with yourself first. It will take some time for you to be ok with your recent breakup.
Repeat the tips in this article over and over.
Take good care of yourself through building daily habits of doing exercise, eating a healthy diet and sleeping well.
The fastest way you can move on from your breakup is to love yourself again.
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Lidia is a love coach and writer for Love Openly